Someday I'll See Myself As Beautiful

‎((i want to be beautiful. make you stand in awe. look inside my heart and be amazed. i want to hear you say who i am is quite enough. just want to be worthy of love and beautiful.))

This song has really been on my heart this week. 


Sometimes, I get so bogged down and discouraged by all the things I'm not. 


As women, we have an innate longing to be seen as beautiful.  And I just haven't felt that way for a long time.  I've wanted to.  But I just haven't.  


Want to know one of my deepest, darkest secrets?  For years, when I would look in a mirror, I would cry.  Not just a little, but a lot.  I hated how I looked.  


It started when I was in 9th grade.  I remember walking into the concession stand with my cheerleading uniform on and a young man I attended school with decided to comment on my appearance.  Two words that meant nothing to him- simply a thoughtless statement- cemented inside of me a thought that had been tumbling around my brain for some time.  

YOU'RE.  UGLY.

While the young man probably thought nothing of his comment, I found myself scarred.  Everytime I looked in the mirror, all I saw was that label:  UGLY.  And I wanted to be anything but that.


We all walk around with labels.  Words that were thrown at us, most of the time in a thoughtless manner, and those words stuck.  They stuck and they stung.  They still do.


Recently, I've been really struggling with this.  (I told you all a long time ago that you were getting the real Lexie here.  A little raw, and really difficult to admit most of the time, but the real me.)  


And "Beautiful" by Bethany Dillon keeps popping into my mind.  Listen to the words of the song.  Think about what they mean to you.   


I often forget that I need to be focusing on HIS kind of beautiful. Not my own ideas of what it means.  


Tonight, I don't feel beautiful.  But someday I will.


In His Love,
Lex <3