This song has really been on my heart this week.
Sometimes, I get so bogged down and discouraged by all the things I'm not.
As women, we have an innate longing to be seen as beautiful. And I just haven't felt that way for a long time. I've wanted to. But I just haven't.
Want to know one of my deepest, darkest secrets? For years, when I would look in a mirror, I would cry. Not just a little, but a lot. I hated how I looked.
It started when I was in 9th grade. I remember walking into the concession stand with my cheerleading uniform on and a young man I attended school with decided to comment on my appearance. Two words that meant nothing to him- simply a thoughtless statement- cemented inside of me a thought that had been tumbling around my brain for some time.
YOU'RE. UGLY.
We all walk around with labels. Words that were thrown at us, most of the time in a thoughtless manner, and those words stuck. They stuck and they stung. They still do.
Recently, I've been really struggling with this. (I told you all a long time ago that you were getting the real Lexie here. A little raw, and really difficult to admit most of the time, but the real me.)
And "Beautiful" by Bethany Dillon keeps popping into my mind. Listen to the words of the song. Think about what they mean to you.
I often forget that I need to be focusing on HIS kind of beautiful. Not my own ideas of what it means.
Tonight, I don't feel beautiful. But someday I will.
In His Love,
Lex <3
This may sound goobish or dorky, but what the hey! I've been weird most of my life. While other people are moving on in a coversation, I'm still processing something they said ten minutes ago, analyzing it because something didn't sit right with me. Furthermore, I find something funny, but no one else gets why it was funny or why it was SO funny. I guess what I'm trying to say is, in my own guy-ish way, I relate to that feeling of "I'm ugly." Mine, instead, is the feeling that I am not worth it, that I don't fit; I'm weird and generally not successful.
ReplyDeleteAside from spending time trying to remind myself of ways I DO fit, how much I DO have success and so forth, the biggest thing that helps (with or without anything else) has been meditating on Psalm 139:14. "I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works, my soul knows that very well."
Another translation says "skillfully and wonderfully made". As a pseudo-artist in what I do, that strikes a cord. No one makes something "skillfully" without time, effort, and, ultimately, an element of his/herself invested in that creation. But then, it is wonderfully made. For myself, that term has been so overused that I don't usually think about it. But to be "wonderful", it has to be full of wonder, e.g. capable of producing wonder in its audience. Then, as one considers that verse, David tells us that God has created us not only with great time and effort, investing His ownself in us, but He also did such a work as to create wonder, amazement, in those who would honestly observe it.
Then David makes a statement that makes my mind swirl. "Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well." Incredible! Not only does David commend God's work wonderful, he internalizes that. Another way to say this would be, "Wow, God! You make wonderful work, and I am an example of that!" While it sounds cocky, it's not; David is honestly praising God, while praising ALL of God's work.
It's up to you because I don't know what works for you. But, I try to meditate on this and other such verses about how God has taken such time and care to make us. I try to consider that He has, by His word withstanding time, said that I am fearfully/skillfully and wonderfully made. It doesn't always work, but it's a start. :)
I hope that helps you somehow as you seek to overcome.
Lexie, you are beautiful inside and out! God has given you a gift beyond words to share with so many. The night of Opening Act in Mt. Vernon you shared that gift with my daughter in the floor of the church and she stills talks about it to this day and how the "pretty princess that sings" played with her. You impacted my daughter that night with who you are and that makes you beautiful!!! I am so sorry that people are harsh sometimes, I feel it very often so I understand, but remember God loves us just as we are. I love you for who you are the; role model you are being for our young girls. Keep your head and let your inner princess shine!!!! God's blessing on you.
ReplyDeleteThank you to both of you for your comments! Unfortunately for me, I was just notified of them. Only a few months late... You're both wonderful, and I so appreciate your insight. You've made my heart smile this morning!
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